Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
