I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
