I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
