Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
