i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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