Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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