My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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