I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
