we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
