my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out mid-signature
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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