I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
