just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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