I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
