even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
