I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
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