I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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