We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
