My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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