After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
