i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
