i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
