I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
