That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I am one with the molecules
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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