I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
