did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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