You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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