And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
