theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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