he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Randomize
