nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
