Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
