I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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