i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
