I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
