Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
