this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
