we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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