But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
