I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
