batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
