It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
