My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
