I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
