You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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