I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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