Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
A bitchslap is in order.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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