I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
