my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
