He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
