even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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