Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
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I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
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What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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