She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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