My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
