Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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