the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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