this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
