Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
