What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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