dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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