my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
