Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
