I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
