I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
