alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My vagina just recognized that song.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
