Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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