I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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