Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
