Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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