We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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