Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Sext me about skeletons
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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