I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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