Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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