I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
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My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
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Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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