it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
do herpes really smell.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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