I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
