Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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