Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
