I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
