Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
