Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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