If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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